I’ve found it incredibly helpful to have go-to ways to just say no. I mostly just say “I’m already booked” (see below), because that is almost always true. Here are some other tactics that work for me:

Here’s a printable list to download.

1. Vague but effective: “Thank you for asking, but that isn’t going to work out for me.”
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2. It’s not personal: “Thank you for asking, but I’m not doing any interviews while I’m writing my book.”
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3. Ask me later: “I want to do that, but I’m not available until April. Will you ask me again then?”
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4. Let me hook you up: “I can’t do it, but I’ll bet Shelly can. I’ll ask her for you.”
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5. Keep trying: “None of those dates work for me, but I would love to see you. Send me some more dates.”
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6. Try me last minute: “I can’t put anything else on my calendar this month, but I’d love to do that with you sometime. Will you call me right before you go again?”
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7. Gratitude: “Thank you so much for your enthusiasm and support! I’m sorry I’m not able to help you at this time.”
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8. Give Dad a chance: “You know, I feel like moms are always getting to do the holiday parties at school. Let’s ask Dad if he wants to help this year.”
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9. I’ll still help: “I can’t speak at your event, but I will help you promote it on my blog.”
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   I also asked my friends Renee Trudeau and Katrina Alcorn–two people who’ve honed their ability to say no well–for their favorite go-to ways to say no.

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   Here are Renee’s favorite ways:

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10. Just No: “Thanks, I’ll have to pass on that.” (Say it, then shut up.)
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11. Gracious: “I really appreciate you asking me, but my time is already committed.”
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12. I’m Sorry: “I wish I could, but it’s just not going to work right now.”
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13. It’s Someone Else’s Decision: “I promised my coach (therapist, husband, etc.) I wouldn’t take on any more projects right now. I’m working on creating more balance in my life.”
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14. My Family is the Reason: “Thanks so much for the invite, that’s the day of my son’s soccer game, and I never miss those.”
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15. I Know Someone Else: “I just don’t have time right now. Let me recommend someone who may be able to help you.”
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16. I’m Already Booked: “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m afraid I’m already booked that day.”
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17. Setting Boundaries: “Let me tell you what I can do…” Then limit the commitment to what will be comfortable for you.
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18. Not No, But Not Yes: “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.”(Renee’s list is from her book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal.)
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    And here are the additional ways that Katrina most often says no:

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19. Say nothing: Not all requests require an answer. It feels rude to ignore a request, but sometimes it’s the best way for everyone to save face.
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20. Let it all hang out: Recently my daughter got injured in gym class. It was a week of visits to the ER, the concussion clinic, specialists, etc. I decided to just tell people what was going on, which sort of shut down the requests for a bit.
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21. I’m “maxed out”: We need a “safety word” for saying no–an easy way to tell people that we can’t/won’t do the thing they are requesting, but that it’s not personal. One convenient thing about authoring a book called Maxed Out is that now I can say “I’m maxed out” and people who are familiar with the book know I’m asking them to respect that I’m taking care of myself, and that I also respect their need to take care of themselves.

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