Home » Archives for Christine Carter » Page 100

Author: Christine Carter

by Christine Carter
happiness-tip-change-your-mantra-christine-carter

Happiness Tip: Change Your Mantra

“How are you?” A good friend asks at lunch. You haven’t seen her for a month or so. You feel guilty that you’ve been out of touch; you tell her all the reasons that you’ve been so, so busy.

She reassures you with 10 billion reasons that she, also, has been too busy to meet earlier or to return your calls promptly. Your detailed lists of your busy busy busy lives leave you both feeling overwhelmed.

Sound familiar?

Our most common greeting from loved ones and casual acquaintances alike (“How are you doing?”) doesn’t really work for us, or our happiness, when the answer generates feelings of overwhelm.

It’s time to change this common little dialog. What if, instead of recounting all that is happening in your life, you use “How are you?” as a prompt to think about something you are grateful for? Even if you don’t feel too busy, taking a moment for gratitude is likely to give you a happiness boost.

Take Action: The next time someone asks you how you are doing, pause for a moment and reflect on something that you a grateful for. Then tell them about that. Perhaps you are grateful for the May sunshine (or needed rain), or that your little girl lost her tooth last night, or that you’ve been reading a particularly fabulous new novel.

Join the Discussion: What other ways can you change this common dialog? Inspire others by leaving a comment below.

by Christine Carter

Mirror Mirror on the Wall: Who’s the Best Mom of Them All?

Last year, Tiger Mothers were superior. This year, French mommy-hood has been deemed a cut above. Are other mothers generally better than us at producing high-functioning and high-achieving kids? And do they enjoy parenting more than we do?

Maybe. Tiger mothers, soccer mothers, French mamas, working mothers, stay-at-home-mothers: We each have our strengths. We don’t have a lot of empirical evidence about what brand of mommy is “best,” but we do have a lot of data about what makes for good parenting. I’ve spent the last 10+ years deep in that research.

Read this post from my Greater Good blog for the my top ten tips for being the best mom you can be.

by Christine Carter
happiness-tip-make-a-plan-christine-carter

Happiness Tip: Make a Plan

One of the things that can detract from our happiness is a lingering to-do item.

I’d be rich if I had a dollar for every time I’ve woken up at 5:00 am worrying about an unfinished project, an email I forgot to send, an appointment I didn’t have a chance to make, or something I meant to do, but didn’t.

Researchers used to think that this low-level worrying about unfinished tasks was our unconscious mind trying to help us get things done by reminding us of what we still needed to do, and that the reminders — or distracting thoughts and worries — would persist until the task was complete. This in itself is a worrying theory for those of us who have never-ending task lists.

But now research shows that simply making a plan to deal with an unfinished task makes a huge difference in our ability to focus on other things — without being constantly reminded by our unconscious mind about what else we need bigstock-vector-flat-design-style-illus-59393429-300x225to do. When we don’t have a plan, in contrast, our thoughts will typically wander from whatever it is we are doing to our undone tasks. As it turns out, our unconscious isn’t nagging us to do the task at hand, but rather to make a plan to get it done.

Take Action: Before you leave work or hit the hay this evening, take a look at your task list and make a plan for completing unfinished tasks. Knowing what the next step is for undone items, and when you will do them, can make you a whole lot happier.

Join the Discussion: What task do you often worry about when you haven’t completed it? Does it help you to make a plan? Comment below.

by Christine Carter

5 Tips for Boosting Your Willpower

Who among us has not made a plan to get up in the morning and exercise, but then hit snooze one time too many, sleeping through our morning jog?

We may have been super-inspired by the incredible brain-boosting properties of exercise. We may have had every intention to start an exercise plan and stick to it. But then… we didn’t. Our warm bed sucked us in. We’ll exercise tomorrow.

What we need is willpower. Once we get in the habit of exercising—or of staying calm in the face of a toddler meltdown, of not checking our email after five o’clock, or of doing anything else we want to have the resolve to do—we don’t need to try so hard. But for now, because we are in the habit of pushing snooze—or yelling, or checking email compulsively all evening—we need self-discipline.

Read this post from my Greater Good blog for the 5 tips that will help you boost your willpower.

by Christine Carter

Happiness Tip: Give 8 Hugs Everyday

We all know that hugs make us feel better; one reason they do is that they stimulate production of the feel-good neurotransmitter oxytocin — the so-called bonding hormone.

Oxytocin makes us feel more connected to those around us; feeling socially connected, in turn, makes us happy.

I was just listening to one of Dr. Sara Gottfried’s webinars; in it she recommends getting or giving eight hugs a day in order to reap the benefits of the oxytocin that hugs can stimulate. Personally, I’ve found that just watching other people hug (specifically, in this video) can make me feel warm and glowy.

Take Action: Decide right now when and where you’ll get your daily eight hugs, and make sure those hugs get built into your daily routine. For example, hug your kids everyday when you get them out of bed, your partner everyday before you leave for work, someone at lunchtime everyday, etc. The hugs need to be “lingering” — quick pats on the back aren’t going to cut it. Bonus: lingering kisses and mini-massages also work.

Who will you hug and kiss each day? Comment below.