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Author: Christine Carter

by Christine Carter

Is Your Spouse Enough for You?

If you find yourself often thinking about whether or not your spouse is really the right person for you, as many married-with-children-types often do, I’ve got bad news: You’re already setting your marriage up for failure.

We tend to believe that our partners are either right for us, or completely wrong; our relationship is either “meant to be,” or it just isn’t; we’re with our soulmate, or we’ve totally “settled.”

This all-or-nothing model of relationships puts us in a Catch-22. We want to know whether we are with the right mate, but the very act of questioning whether he or she is either right or wrong sets us up to expect way too much from them. These crazy-high expectations lead us to believe that if we notice our partner’s flaws or incompatibilities with us, we must be in the “wrong” relationship. That evokes feelings of frustration, disappointment, and resentment—maybe even contempt, which is a real relationship-killer.

These negative feelings aren’t trivial. They are cancers to relationships.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Read this post from my Greater Good blog for four ways to release our unrealistic expectations and the toxic feelings they create in relationships.

 

by Christine Carter

Happiness Tip: Say No to Someone Besides Yourself


Are you always saying “yes” to everyone around you, but never making time for yourself? Saying no takes practice for most people, but it is a necessary life-skill in today’s world.

Take Action:
Say “no” to several requests this week, but when you do, schedule the time you would have taken–on that extra informational interview, for example, or bringing cupcakes to the classroom–to do something for yourself.  Perhaps you can go to bed an hour earlier tonight, to catch up on much needed sleep.  Or maybe now you’ll have time to eat a peaceful lunch without also having to catch up on emails at the same time.

by Christine Carter

Happiness Tip: Give Someone a Hug

We don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day to generous with our hugs! Dacher Keltner’s studies show that touch is the primary language of compassion, love, and gratitude–all positive emotions. Read all about the way that hugs make us feel better in Keltner’s terrific book, Born to Be Good, and in this essay.

Take Action: Hug someone you wouldn’t normally every day this week. (I don’t really need to say this but…please make sure it will be appreciated, first!). If you’ve no one to hug at the moment, watch this “Free Hugs” video.