“Confidence that comes from never having been burned is different from confidence that comes from having been in situations where it all went wrong.” —South African adventurer Boyd Varty
Author: Christine Carter
Tuesday Tip: Expect (at Least Minor, Sometimes Major) Failure
We all understand that when we first attempt to drive a car or ride a bike, we’ll make mistakes. Behavior change is no different; it’s a process of slipping, learning from the mistake, and trying again.” ― John C. Norcross, Changeology
Ah, the beginning of February.
If you made a New Year’s Resolution a month ago, and you’ve kept it so far, take a victory lap. The other (probably half) of you? Don’t worry about it if you are faltering. Worry and self-criticism don’t work. Don’t stress, but also…don’t just sit there.
This may be blazingly obvious, but in order to do better tomorrow, you’ll need to know what causes your trip-ups. What obstacle have you failed to see or plan for in the last week or so? How does your resolution need tweaking? Did you take on too much too soon? Figure it out, and make a specific plan for what to do if you find yourself in a similar situation again.
When I was first trying to squeeze meditation into my morning routine, I felt like I was failing more mornings than I was succeeding. Every day brought a new tweak to the routine. For example, at first I thought that I could get away with seven hours of sleep at night. But after three or four mornings of pushing the snooze button I realized I was too tired and had to turn the lights out earlier. Then I thought that I could read before bed on my iPad; that was a no-go, too, as the light from the screen kept me from falling asleep quickly.
For several days in a row, I didn’t foresee minor obstacles that proved challenging, like it being too cold in the house for me to not leap straight from my warm bed to my hot shower. But after I’d encountered each obstacle once, I could make a plan for what to do the next time. It can take many months to settle into something as large as a new morning routine.
So don’t worry about it if you are faltering — but don’t give up, either! Figure out how you need to tweak your habit to eliminate obstacles, and carry on!
Want more advice for establishing (and keeping) a new habit? Sign up for my FREE 90 day — text, email, and Facebook-based — coaching program to help you make and keep resolutions that stick.
Photo by Tim Ellis
Don’t Chase Your Passion And Maybe You’ll Find It
Don’t know what your true passion is? Here’s a reason why that is good.
Thursday Thought
Adversity causes some people to break; others to break records. — William A. Ward
Tuesday Tip: Never Say Never
Never say never, because limits, just like fears, are just an illusion.” — Michael Jordan
If you’re working through your New Year’s resolutions, you’ve probably faced your fair share of temptations. When temptation is right in front of you, it’s hard to turn down. But when we tell ourselves “no,” we often increase the urgency of a temptation by making it forbidden fruit.
Success will depend on your ability to plan a little here. What types of things related to your resolution do you tend to make forbidden fruit? Rather than deny, try to postpone. Instead of telling yourself that you can’t have that cookie or you can’t watch TV, tell yourself you’ll have the cookie in a few hours if you are still interested, or you’ll record the show and watch it after you’ve gone for a walk. And then go distract yourself!
One of my temptations is the snooze button. Rather than tell myself, I can never, ever, ever hit the snooze button, I try to plan for one cheat day per week. Another approach will be to plan a power nap on a day when I know I need some catch up rest.
Think about your challenges and sticking points. Is your challenge or sticking point when you’re tired? Do you need to plan around when you get home at the end of the day? What can you tell yourself besides never? I’ve created this Worksheet (.pdf file) to help you brainstorm.
If you haven’t started a new habit this year, it’s not too late to start. Sign up for my FREE 90 day coaching program to help you make and keep resolutions that stick. It is a text, email, and Facebook based program; you’ll also get a free workbook and access to a live online Q&A with me, Dr. Christine Carter.
Photo by Stuart Burns
Francine Christophe
Watched this video with my daughter and we both got #goosebumps! This is a story that puts it all in perspective.
Thursday Thought
You miss 100 percent of all the shots you never take. — Wayne Gretzky
Happiness Tip: Go Easy on Yourself
Fun fact: Most people are starting to falter at their New Year’s Resolutions by now.
If you are anything like me, setbacks, lapses, and mistakes can come with a fair amount of self-flagellation. Somehow I think that if I’m really hard on myself, I’ll be less likely to make the same mistake again, or I’ll motivate myself towards better performance in the future. Admitting our failings does not need to come with commensurate self-criticism, however.
Here’s why: Self-criticism doesn’t work. It doesn’t actually motivate us. Instead, self-criticism is associated with decreased motivation and future improvement.
Self-compassion — being warm and supportive towards ourselves, and actively soothing ourselves–does help matters when we make a mistake or the going gets rough. It leads to less anxiety and depression, greater peace of mind, and, importantly, it makes us feel more motivated to make the improvements we need to.
Take Action: The next time you flub-up, take a deep breath and soothe yourself like you might a small child: use kind, reassuring words to ease yourself out of a stress response (which will only make matters worse).
Photo courtesy of Matty Ring.
Have You Kicked off Your New Habit? It’s Never Too Late to Start!
I’ve been having a blast coaching people to new habit success. If you haven’t joined yet, it’s not too late to learn how to successfully make and keep your New Year’s resolutions.
A completely revised version of my most popular webinar, 90 Days to a New Habit is now a FREE 12-week coaching program. You’ll get a free workbook and access to a live Q&A to give you guidance and structure in establishing a new habit.
I feel pretty confident that if you pick the right habit (and I’ll guide you in picking the right habit) you’ll have it well established by the end of this program.
- Move an activity from your “REALLY should be doing” list to a behavior you do so automatically you don’t have to think about it!
- Learn to avoid common booby-traps hardwired into the human brain that make it difficult to keep your new habit.
- This is a 12-week email and text based coaching program. It’s practical, do-able, and science-based.
Want to make REAL change this year? Do you set the same intentions year in, year out — but they never seem to stick? Enroll in my new free class now!
Let’s make 2016 the happiest year yet!
Photo by Bor Bor
On Being a Wife and a Mother
Wow. Jada Pinkett Smith gives good happiness (and marriage, and parenting) advice. She sums up what is to me the most important component for a joyful and fulfilling life in one 5 minute video.