When was the last time someone else’s happiness became your own?

Last weekend I was at a fundraiser where several musicians were playing live. I was close enough to the guitar player, Jack, to be able to watch his expressions while I listened to him play. As I watched, I noticed myself grinning right along with Jack. He was totally in the moment, happiness flowing through him and his instrument, sheer bliss radiating from his face.

I realized that as I paid attention to Jack’s joy, my own emotions were mirroring his: I was feeling an expansive happiness. This is a phenomena my mentor James Baraz calls “vicarious joy,” and it is something that is easy to cultivate in our everyday lives.

Take Action: Watch for other people’s positive emotions. Who around you is feeling deep gratitude, or giddy happiness, or profound compassion? Let yourself “catch” their emotions, and take in the good feelings that occur in your own body as a result.  Even the joy of a dog can be contagious; my children frequently fall to the ground giggling as they watch our friends’ labrador play in the park.

Join the discussion: What is your favorite source of vicarious joy?  Share in the comments below!

Here are this year’s Happiness Matters Podcasts — Rona and I are going to take a break from recording these podcasts for a little while while I work on another book. If you’ve just found this podcast, we encourage you to start at the beginning—there are over a hundred episodes on a wide range of topics. And if you’ve been listening for years, THANK YOU—from the bottom of our hearts. This podcast has been rewarding for us both because of listeners like you!

Fostering Creativity in Kids

We often think of creativity as being a personality trait rather than a skill that we can foster in our children. Which is it, really? Rona and I discuss how we can foster the ability to innovate in our kids—and why we might want to do this.

Looking for a Preschool?

It’s that time of year, when many parents are looking at preschools and try to make what is for some a very difficult decision. Rona and I discuss different preschool philosophies, and how to choose what is right for your child.

Fighting a lot?

Most spouses fight, but many do not know how to make-up in a way that repairs the relationship. Rona gives us a crash course in regaining trust and intimacy with a partner after we’ve been fighting.

Gratitude for Lovers

Whether or not you are a romantic person, and whether or not you like Valentine’s Day, here’s my favorite romantic thing to do.

How Hectic Are Your Mornings?

Rona and I are frequently asked how parents and caregivers can make morning routines go more smoothly. It’s pretty common to have a lot of stress, and even yelling, as we try to herd our children out the door for school or daycare. Rona reviews her best tips for making mornings more calm and less trying for everyone.

Making Sleep a Priority

Did you know how much children sleep affects how smart, creative, attentive, and happy they are—as well as how much they weigh?  Note: This recording was slightly affected by a software problem; please forgive the few “skips” you may detect.

Making New Year’s Resolutions?

What would you like to change in the New Year? What would your kids like to change? Making New Year’s resolutions can be a fun—and productive—family activity.

Check out my podcast Happiness Matters with Rona Renner either here on the Greater Good website, or here on iTunes. Happy listening!

Yesterday, someone asked my daughter if her mother (that would be me) is happy all the time. My girl threw her head back, guffawed, and said, “I don’t even think she wants to be happy all the time.”

Darn straight, I don’t.

So many of us confuse momentary pleasure or gratification — a new pair of shoes, or a particularly delicious meal — with what makes life joyful over the long haul. It isn’t that I don’t appreciate the fun of new shoes or the satisfaction of a great dinner, but a happy life really isn’t simply a series of such pleasurable moments strung together.

Life can gain depth and meaning from difficulty. When we are anxious, we can learn how to soothe ourselves — something we couldn’t learn if we felt calm and content. Anger gives us a unique opportunity to practice forgiveness in a way that really means something. When we are afraid, we can develop courage. In the face of challenge, we have the opportunity to strengthen our grit. After a long bout of missing someone or something, we tend to feel profound gratitude to have them back in our lives.

Self-soothing, forgiveness, gratitude, courage, grit — this is the stuff of a happy life. For this reason, I try to see the difficulties in my life for what they really are: opportunities for growth and meaning in the future.

Take Action: This week, embrace a difficulty in your life with acceptance and self-compassion. What is this challenge helping you learn? How are you growing because of this difficult situation?

Join the Discussion: Inspire others by commenting below on a time in your life when a difficulty lead to positive growth (or even joy!).