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Author: Christine Carter

What Teens Need

Sometimes, they need carefully calibrated danger

How does this clip of a teenager falling off a horse make you feel?

If you are like me, you probably winced, and maybe even felt vicarious pain. My mama-instinct is to protect that kid, to get him up and on safe ground. But here’s the thing: Teenagers need opportunities to get bucked off horses (or the equivalent) if they are to thrive. Here’s why:

Adolescence is a time of enormous physical, mental, and emotional development. Few people realize, though, how out-of-sync the timing of adolescent growth-spurts are, or the huge implications this wacky timing has for what teens need from the adults in their lives.

Continue reading this post here–-on my Greater Good Science Center blog–to learn more about the dramatic changes that happen at the onset of puberty and how we as parents should support our kids.

Book Giveaway – “Giving Back”

Author Steve Ketchpel has offered to give a free copy of his new book Giving Back: Discover your values and put them into action through volunteering and donating” to 5 lucky fans.

Complete this entry form for consideration.  We’ll pick 5 people (US-based only, please) at random on December 13 at noon PST.

As a bonus, Steve is making the Kindle version available for FREE today on Amazon.

Read more at https://www.giving-back.info, on Facebook, or on Twitter.

 

What Would You Trade for 50% More Money? Americans May Be Trading-off Happiness

What if, at the end of the year, you could have half your annual income as a bonus? The catch: you must give up something important.

New York Life released their “Keep Good Going” report today, a survey of more than 2,000 Americans that assesses how people cultivate goodness in their lives, and how optimistic they are about their ability to “keep good going.”*

Despite their willingness to give up important things for 50% more money (more on that below), nearly half of respondents said the quality of their lives is better today than it was five years ago. And despite challenging economic times, a majority—56% of respondents—feel that the economic downturn has had no negative impact on their ability to live life as a good person.

It isn’t that finances aren’t central to Americans’ ability to live well: they are. Ninety percent of respondents stated that “living a good life” would be easier if they didn’t have to worry about the bills, if they were able to be financially sufficient in retirement, and if they could protect their family financially against life’s uncertainties. Which is why one question in particular caught my eye:

Suppose you could increase your income by 50% in exchange for the following trade-offs? Which would you do, take the money along with the trade-off, or not take the money?

● A minority of Americans say they would spend less time with their spouse or partner (20%) or children (11%) in exchange for more money, but nearly half (45%) said they’d spend less time with their friends.

If we have learned anything in the last 100 years of research on happiness, it is that people’s happiness is best predicted by the breadth and the depth of their social connections. Relationships with our friends and families are of critical importance for our happiness and well-being, and generally speaking, 50% more money can’t buy us happiness equivalent to the joy that comes from time spent with our loved ones.

Most of us—80 or 90 percent—seem to realize this when it comes to spending time with our families, but we Americans are quick to forget about our friends. Other research shows that friendships are particularly important for women’s health and happiness. While men tend to be okay trading off time with friends (but keeping family close), women typically see a drop in their well-being when they see their friends less.

● A third of Americans would “sleep significantly fewer hours per night” in exchange for 50% more income.

Here’s a hard truth: it is hard to be happy when we’re exhausted. We humans don’t function all that well when we are seriously tired, because sleep affects dozens of physiological processes in our bodies and brains. Sleep helps regulate our mood, our attention, our intelligence and creativity—even how much we weigh.

Suffice it to say that trading sleep for money won’t pay out for most people when it comes to health and happiness.

● A large minority would also trade in their vacations (35%) or their favorite hobbies and recreational activities (43%) for more money.

This one begs a question about what makes life worth living. Who are you without your hobbies? Perhaps your work is so well aligned with your interests this is a trade-off you can make without taking a hit to your happiness.

Even so, the catch may come from the rest—the break—that our hobbies and recreational activities bring us. Although as a society we think that we can keep the pedal to the metal 24/7, few of us actually can.

Research has shown us that we human beings function best when we practice “discontinuous productivity.” In other words, we tend to feel better—and get more done—when we rest between periods of work. If your hobbies create periods of rest for you, think twice before you give them up.

What the Keep Good Going report captures is subtle. Often when we think we are making one trade off—perhaps time with friends or tinkering with a hobby—we end up trading off something much larger: our health, or our happiness. What would you trade off in order to increase your income by 50%?  Share with us by commenting below!

*I worked as an independent research consultant to New York Life, and helped design the “Keep Good Going” report.

Free Book with Class or Coaching!

Now through December 31st, get a free copy of RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents with every group coaching or online parenting class registration!

If you plan on giving a coaching group or online parenting class as a gift—possibly to yourself?!—order now and we’ll send the FREE book to you or your gift recipient. We can also include a free personalized bookplate!

Instructions for how to give a class or coaching group as a gift are here.

Moms and dads love Raising Happiness online classes and live group coaching:

  • They provide practical solutions to everyday problems.
  • They are science-based and fun.
  • They are made for busy, on-the-go parents looking for support and helpful tips.

The January class and coaching theme is “Finding Happiness as a Parent”—learn more here.

Happiness Tip: Take a Picture in Your Mind

In the hustle and bustle of this holiday season, boost your happiness with this savoring technique: take a mental photograph. “Pause for a moment and consciously be aware of things you  want to remember later,” Stacey Kennelly instructs in this Greater Good article, “such as the sound of a loved one’s chuckle, or a touching moment between two family members.”

This is a way of consciously looking for the good in our daily life and bringing our awareness to it so that we might enjoy positive moments more.

Take Action: Pause long enough to compose a mental picture in your mind of something you are enjoying. What sound, sight, or feeling would you particularly like to savor?

Join the Discussion: What happened this week that you want to remember? What did you take time to savor? Share with us by commenting below!

 


We Love Teachers — thank you!

We here at Raising Happiness are so grateful for teachers! I love talking to them when I’m speaking around the country; they never fail to amaze me with their incredible enthusiasm and dedication.

If you plan on giving RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps to More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents as a gift to teachers this year, I’d love the opportunity to write them a personal thank you note on a signed bookplate.

It’s my way of saying thank you to all those fabulous and hardworking folks that are raising happiness in our children!

For a (FREE) personalized bookplate, please fill out this form soon — it can take me a few days to turn around these requests.

(I’m happy to sign FREE bookplates for anyone else, too.)

Happiness Tip: Reduce Holiday Stress

Many of us are really gearing up for the next wave of holidays right now, and are perhaps feeling a bit overwhelmed. This year, instead of automatically going into holiday overdrive, take a moment to reflect on what is important to you, and make a plan to simplify your holidays.

Take Action: Follow these instructions from the Center for a New American Dream’s “Simplify the Holidays” booklet:

1. List all the holiday-related tasks for which you were responsible last year (e.g., buying gifts, making cards, decorating the house, guests, etc.).

2. Put a star next to the activities you truly enjoyed. Look at your list and consider the following questions:

Which activities could you scale back to reduce stress?

Where can you enlist help to make tasks easier and more fun?

Which activities could you cut out altogether?

Which activities do you find particularly enriching, and worthy of more time and effort?

Join the Discussion: What holiday activities will you be nixing this year? Which ones are worthy of your time and effort? Share with us by commenting below!

Looking for more tips for simplifying the holidays? Check out this fantastic little booklet.