“It’s very important to remember that this work doesn’t end here.”
Join the Discussion
What helped you the most in this course? What do you most want to remember?
This post is from a series about authenticity from the “Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!
This video is from a series about how to focus in my online course, the Science of Finding Flow.
Busyness is a sign that we aren’t as physically healthy as we could be. Scott Dannemiller, in his post “Busy is a Sickness,” quotes Dr. Suzanne Koven, an internist at the Massachusetts General Hospital:
In the past few years, I’ve observed an epidemic of sorts: patient after patient suffering from the same condition. The symptoms of this condition include fatigue, irritability, insomnia, anxiety, headaches, heartburn, bowel disturbances, back pain, and weight gain. There are no blood tests or X-ray diagnostics of this condition, and yet it’s easy to recognize. The condition is excessive busyness.
Busyness causes health problems. And yet the type of busyness we are talking about is entirely within our control (as opposed to the busyness of someone living in poverty, working multiple minimum-wage jobs just to keep the lights on and the children fed). The busyness of the affluent and middle-class is an illness we are choosing, “like voluntarily licking the door handle of a preschool bathroom,” writes Dannemiller.
This “class” is from “The Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!
This post is from a series about how to focus from my online course, the Science of Finding Flow.
Several years ago, I devised a system for quickly getting into the “zone” while I wrote (it is detailed later in this unit). Free from distractions and interruptions, I wrote quickly, joyfully, and with surprisingly little effort.
But then we moved, and my husband and I both worked mostly from home for 18 months. It was the least productive 18 months of my life. Although we worked in separate rooms, at opposite ends of the house, he was forever interrupting me, jarring me out of that coveted state of flow. He’d saunter into my office to use my recycling bin (not because that was the closest one, mind you), and even if my attention was clearly fixed on my work, he’d put his face right in front of my computer screen and lean in for a smooch.
I recognize how sweet this is. And I am super grateful to have such a loving and affectionate husband. And I appreciate being able to work from home, because it allows me more time with both my husband and my children (who also interrupt me constantly once they are home from school).
By 4:00 pm, each interruption was causing me so much irritation it sometimes bordered on rage. Even when the person interrupting me was a considerate and whispering middle-schooler needing homework help, or a loving husband who wanted to shower me with affection, I felt frustrated and snappish.
Was I overreacting? Perhaps I could have tried harder to keep my irritation in check, but research gives me some good grounds for it. In fact, studies have found that being interrupted isn’t just a nuisance; it’s costly and problematic.
On average, interruptions take 23 minutes and 15 seconds to recover from—even if the distraction is only for a minute!
For example, say I’m uber-focused, but then my hubby (or perhaps your co-worker) comes in for a minute or two to chit-chat about dinner plans (or prepare for an upcoming meeting). Or you get an IM from your manager asking about something that happened yesterday. Before we turn our attention back to our work, we might decide to take a quick peek at our email, and while we’re doing that, notice that we’ve missed a call and three texts. If we answer just a few of these incoming communications, it may well be longer than 23 minutes before we actually get back to work.
I suppose, if I tried really hard, I could get back on track faster. But that effort takes focus and energy that I could be putting toward my writing or other work.
A mountain of research has demonstrated time and again that interruptions increase our error rate. For example, when college students that are concentrating on a task that taxes their working memory and they are interrupted for 2.8 seconds, they make twice as many errors as those who are not interrupted. When they are interrupted for 4.4 seconds, their error rate triples.
According to Glenn Wilson at the University of London, just being in a work situation where you can be interrupted by text and email can decrease your IQ by 10 points. For writers like me, the news here is even more depressing: Interruptions measurably lower both the quantity and the quality of writing we can do in even a very short period of time (20 minutes).
They make us feel BUSY. And possibly important. But as we shift our focus between tasks—as when we steal a glance at our email while we are working on a presentation—it increases our perception that we have too much to do in the time that we have to do it.
According to Gloria Mark, who studies interruption at UC Irvine, when we are diverted from one task to another, we can pick up our work pace to make up for lost time, but this increased speed comes at a cost: People who’ve been interrupted report having a greater workload, more stress and frustration, feeling more time pressure, and exerting more effort.
And guess what? This makes a lot of people feel annoyed, anxious, and irritable, as I do. Behavioral scientist Alan Keen believes that the stress and overload that comes from constantly being expected to multitask is causing an “epidemic of rage.” Interruption and task switching raises stress hormones and adrenaline, which tends to make us more aggressive and impulsive.
The takeaway: Interruption drains our energy and dampens our performance. The stress, inefficiency, inaccuracy, and time pressure that interruptions create are the very opposite of being in the sweet spot.
This “class” is from “The Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!
This is a recommended practice from a series about how to focus in my online course, Science of Finding Flow.
Do you want to focus more and multitask less? Here’s the thing: Unless you actually schedule time during which you can focus uninterrupted, it is unlikely that the time will just magically appear.
Try grouping your daily tasks into two categories: “Think Work” and “Action Items.” Then block off time on your calendar for both things. I do my “Think Work” totally uninterrupted, and I try to take a break every 60-90 minutes. If you are just starting out, aim for 20 minutes of uninterrupted work before you take a break. I have to do this when I’m just coming back from vacation. It takes some practice to focus for long periods of time.
My “Action Items” take less concentration, but I still tackle them one at a time in sequence—not parallel. Unless I’m working my way through my email, my email application is closed. I answer the phone only for scheduled calls. I leave my iPhone in do-not-disturb mode (so that I can see if my kids’ schools call, but that’s about it) and reply to texts before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and before I put my phone away for the evening. Having these “rules” for myself has dramatically increased my productivity.
When during the day will you do your deep work? When will you tackle your action items? Block those times off as recurring events on your calendar now.
This “class” is from “The Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!
LOVING-KINDNESS MEDITATION AUDIO (MP3)
When I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed or just a little sorry for myself, I make a conscious effort to think like a giver. I imagine helping someone else, or I remember a time when I was acting less self-centered and more helpful, or I simply send loving thoughts to others.
The power of well-wishes
When Barbara Fredrickson and her colleagues want to study what happens when people increase their daily diet of love, they simply ask people to do a loving-kindness meditation once a day. Also called metta, loving-kindness meditation is the simple practice of directing well-wishes toward others. This is a private, quick, no-contact-with-others way to feel more connected and loving. This stuff is more effective than Prozac for many people.
Over a nine-week period, research showed that metta substantially increased people’s experiences of positive emotions. Loving-kindness meditation puts people on “trajectories of growth,” leaving them better able to ward off depression and “become ever more satisfied with life.” More than that, though, doing a simple loving-kindness meditation can make us feel less isolated and more connected to those around us. One study showed that a single seven-minute loving-kindness meditation made people feel more connected to and positive about both loved ones and total strangers, and more accepting of themselves. (Imagine what a regular practice could do!)
Follow along and practice with me.
LOVING-KINDNESS MEDITATION AUDIO (MP3)
You can use metta throughout the day as a tactic to increase your feelings of well-being, compassion, and connection. Perhaps put a sticky note on your bathroom mirror or refrigerator door or car dashboard— wherever you tend to be most exhausted or overwhelmed or isolated—to remind you to pause and cultivate a loving thought or two.
This post is from a series about social connections from the “Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!
So what is actually happening in your brain when you stare into space, or when you let your mind wander? Turns out, a LOT.
We may think—mistakenly— that nothing important is happening in our heads when we aren’t consciously doing something; when our mind is wandering away from the task at hand.
But actually, our brain lights up like a Christmas tree when we’re daydreaming. Many regions in the brain become active—far more than when we are focusing.
Take a look at these images. In this one, you can see a comparison of when a mind is wandering (top 3 images), compared to when the subject’s brain was focusing on solving a problem (bottom 3 images).
The yellow and orange areas of this fMRI image indicate active areas of the brain. As you can see, far more of the brain is more active when we daydream than when we focus on a problem. What is fascinating to me about these images is just how much of the brain is working when we daydream, and the diversity of brain regions that come online when we aren’t consciously thinking about or working on anything.
When we daydream, or relax our focus, our brain begins drawing connections between all the things that it previously didn’t see as all that connected. Importantly, the brain networks that are responsible for creative insight come online.
There’s a neuro-biological story behind this. We have two primary attentional networks in our brain: task positive and task negative, and they function like a see-saw in that only one is active at a time.
When we are focused on something, or using our willpower to do something, the task-positive attentional network is ON. (And the task negative — mind wandering, daydreaming, “time wasting” –network is OFF.) We give credit to our task-positive attentional network for all the great work we do in the world. When we are focused, we write books. We build bridges. We raise children. Our culture tells us to focus, and that that’s the only way to get anything done around here.
But when you’re staring out the window, out into space, relaxing, or driving but not listening to the radio and you let your mind wander, the task-negative brain becomes active. All those neurons start making connections between things you didn’t see before, usually at an unconscious level. This is where our creative insight comes from. We can’t solve problems or do much of anything without the insights that come from that downtime. We certainly can’t fulfill our potential without filling our need for creative insight, without nurturing our ability to draw connections. This is why we often get our best ideas in the shower…it’s the only remaining place in the world where we let ourselves do nothing!
All of this explains other research that shows that conscious, effortful thinking does nothing to improve creativity, or to help people come up with innovative solutions to problems. For example: When researchers give people a task that requires creativity (such as instructions to come up with a list of ways to use a brick), people don’t generate longer or more creative lists if they have a few extra minutes to think before they start.
For example: When researchers give people a task that requires creativity (such as instructions to come up with a list of ways to use a brick), people don’t generate longer or more creative lists if they have a few extra minutes to think before they start.
What does help? Spending those few extra minutes not consciously thinking about the task, by diverting the research subjects’ attention with an unrelated task. This then gives the insight-generating part of the brain time to get to work making connections. Those new connections are, essentially, innovations that improve our performance on creative tasks.
Here’s what I want you to take away from all of this:
Creative insight is at the very heart of the sweet spot–that place of both power and ease, that place where we humans hit our home runs. Nothing is easier than an “aha moment” that pops effortlessly into your awareness, and nothing is more powerful.
What this means is that you will not find your sweet spot, or find flow, or do your best work, without cultivating stillness in your life, without spending a good part of each just staring into space.
That’s such a counter-culture notion that many people feel guilty and anxious staring into space. We feel important and productive when we are busy, and insignificant and lazy day dreaming. But to be successful, we don’t just need to learn to tolerate stillness, we actually need to cultivate it.
This post is from a series about “strategic slacking” from the “Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!
“The more connected you feel, the happier and more successful you are likely to be.”
Join the Discussion
What worked best for you in this unit? What made you feel happiest? What deepened your sense of connection to your friends, coworkers, community, and family? Finally, is there an area where you are stuck? Take a minute to connect with THIS community by sharing your experience and asking for support where you need it.
This short video and post is from a series about social connections from the “Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!
This video is the 4th in a series about the science of great relationships from the Raising Happiness Homestudy. This week, why not do some of the things that happy couples do?
Life’s short and we never have enough time for the hearts of those who travel the way with us. O, be swift to love! Make haste to be kind.”
–Henri-Frederic Amiel
If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below.
DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.
Did you know that research show that a even brief connection with a stranger can make us happier? In one study, researchers randomly assigned volunteers to talk to the stranger who sat down next to them on the train during their morning commute. Pretty much no one thought that they were going to enjoy giving up their morning solitude to make small talk with someone they didn’t know and would probably never see again. But guess what? The volunteers enjoyed their commute more than the people in the study who got to read their books and finish their crossword puzzles in silence. What’s more, not a single study participant was snubbed. Other research indicates that the strangers being chatted up in public spaces similarly think they won’t want to talk, but then end up enjoying themselves.
In another study, researchers measured how much participants enjoyed interacting with people they barely knew, and how much they enjoyed connecting with loved ones. Turns out that interacting with both types of people made both introverts and extroverts happier—and the more social interactions they had, the happier people were.
Yet another series of studies produced similar results. Researchers sent people into a Starbucks with five dollars each to buy themselves a latte. Half were instructed to get their beverage as fast as they could, to “get in, get out, go on with the day.” The other half were instructed to “have a genuine interaction with the cashier”—to smile and initiate a brief conversation. The folks who smiled at the barista left Starbucks feeling more cheerful. In the words of the study authors Michael Norton and Elizabeth Dunn: “Efficiency, it seems, is overrated.”
Here is your challenge, should you choose to accept it:
Every day in the coming week, slow down just enough to make eye contact with someone, smile, and, if you’re feeling brave, start a little conversation. Research shows that even just acknowledging someone else’s presence by making eye contact and smiling at them helps people feel more connected.
This short video and post is from a series about social connections from the “Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!
Patience, n.
A minor form of despair disguised as virtue.
–Ambrose Bierce
Welcome to Theme 4 of the Raising Happiness Homestudy. In this theme you’ll learn how to tackle two common situations in which kids tend to need coaching:
1) When they are feeling (and often acting) badly, and
2) When you need them to do something, like their homework or the dishes.
The video in this post is about becoming an “Emotion Coach.” What do we do when our kids have an emotional outburst?
We can practice emotion-coaching with the good, the bad and the ugly emotions in our household. Think of a situation where you can bet there are going to be unpleasant feelings, and practice what you will say.
First: Does your child need to calm down before you address the feelings and behavior at hand? If so, please help them do that before you start emotion coaching them. A little time alone (my kids draw or read in their rooms; other kids might want to take a walk or kick a ball around outside) can do wonders.
When you are ready to start coaching, here are the three steps:
1) Label and validate the feelings at hand. Before you try to do this, make sure that you are empathizing as much as possible with your child.
2) Set limits around bad behavior. Remember, all feelings are always okay, but bad behavior is not excusable.
3) Problem solve. How can your child deal with similar situations again in the future? What have they learned? How can you help in the heat of the moment the next time?
What questions do you have about how to emotion coach? Use the comment box below.
If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below.
DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.
This video is the 1st in a series about boosting emotional intelligence from The Raising Happiness Homestudy. Check out the rest of the Homestudy here.
