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The Secret to Happiness at Work

So what does the “real ideal worker” ACTUALLY look like? If you’re finishing this “The Science of Finding Flow” online class, I’m guessing you know by now, but still, I’m so glad you asked.

The “real ideal worker” has 7 core qualities or skills, listed below. But before I lay them out for you, let’s remember: Those of us who cultivate these qualities are more than workers, of course.

We are the joyful people who are fulfilling our potential for creativity, productivity, intelligence, and —most importantly— meaning, fulfillment, and connection in our lives. We are the people who actually enjoy the lives that we’ve worked so hard to create. We also happen to be very good at our jobs.

You are now a part of this tribe.

1. We are able to do our most important work first. We work hard to decide what our priorities are. We seek to understand what work and relationships bring us meaning and fulfillment, and we schedule our time and our tasks accordingly. We understand the positive impact we are having on the world and other people, and this provides a tremendous source of energy and motivation.

2. We command our own attention. In a world where corporations pay by the eyeball to capture our concentration and interest, we are able to build a fortress against all that interruption. We know how to handle temptations. We use our computers and tablets and smartphones strategically rather than compulsively, as tools that make us more efficient, effective, connected, and creative—not more distracted and drained.

3. We think deeply. Business writer Eric Barker calls this “the superpower of the 21st century.” Georgetown professor Cal Newport writes in his treatise on focus, Deep Work, that “the ability to perform deep work is becoming increasingly rare at exactly the same time it is becoming increasingly valuable in our economy. As a consequence, the few who cultivate this skill, and then make it the core of their working life, will thrive.”

4. We effortlessly generate creative insights. We love to find innovative solutions to real-world, unpredictable problems. We value the activities that lead to creativity in a world that thinks we are behaving like children and slackers. We have the courage to nap, play, and stare into space while everyone else skips their lunch break in order to check their email.

5. We are authentic and emotionally courageous. We are willing to feel what we feel, and this gives us access to the wisdom of our hearts. We are tapped into the power of our intuition, which speaks to us in emotions and bodily sensations. And because we are willing to experience difficult emotions, we are gritty—we are able to persist despite difficulty toward our long-term goals. We are able to take risks, have difficult conversations, and stay true to what we know is right.

6. We are flourishing. We understand that cynicism is a marker of fear, not intelligence, and that when we prioritize positivity in our lives—when we consciously cultivate gratitude and love, happiness and peace, awe and inspiration, optimism and faith—we broaden our perception in the moment and build resources over time. Our ability to foster positive emotions allows us to access our most high-functioning, creative, and intelligent selves. We are more engaged with our work, our friends, our families, and our communities than our less positive peers.

7. We are connected. We understand the transcendent importance of our relationships, and so we cast the net of our real-life friends and family both wide and deep. We are less likely to experience sadness, loneliness, low self-esteem, and problems with eating and sleeping than people who keep others at a distance. We are the strangers on the street who smile at you. We are the people you ask for favors, because we love to help out. We are your best friends, because we know how to build—and repair—our relationships.

We are the people who know how to find flow. Welcome to the tribe! 


This post is from the “Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!

Why Happiness Makes Us More Intelligent

When we are happy, we are more creative and motivated, more productive and skilled socially. This means that when we are joyful—or experiencing even a mild positive emotion—we are far more attuned to context. This broadened perception opens up our sweet spot: that place where we experience the least stress, the greatest intellectual power, and the most sophisticated social skills.


This short video is from a series about flourishing from the “Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!

The Problem with Rewards

This video is the 2nd in a series about boosting emotional intelligence from The Raising Happiness Homestudy. Check out the rest of the Homestudy here.

Parenting Practice: Cut out the Bribes, Threats & Rewards

Pick a situation that you’d like to change in your household. Would you like more help with the cooking, for example? For your children to keep the living room clean? For now, just start noticing when you use if-then statements or rewards to motivate your kids. You can also start to try out something different. For example, instead of using a bribe or a threat, ask them a question like “What’s your plan for getting your work done?” Note what happens. The next video gets into even more specifics about what to do instead of using threats and rewards.

This goes for allowance, too: no more tying kids’ chores or behavior to their allowance. I know that the theory behind rewarding kids sounds good — the real world has reward systems, for crying out loud! — but the science of motivation has proven otherwise. Kids get allowance for reasons beyond doing their chores (to learn to manage their money, for example) and they do their chores because they are a contributing member of the family (rather than simply to get their allowance).

I’ve received a lot of questions about what exactly constitutes a bribe, reward, or threat over the years. What questions do you have? Leave it in the comments below, and I will answer there!

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If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below.
DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.

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Perfectionism is a Disease

This video is the 3rd in a series about fostering academic success from The Raising Happiness Homestudy. Watch the rest of the videos here.

“They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds.”
–Wilt Chamberlain


Video Notes: Combat Perfectionism

(1) Reflect on the following:

Perfectionism is a particular form of unhappiness; moreover, it is a myth that perfectionism leads to success. Do you see perfectionism as a problem for you? Your children? What do you do that might be fostering perfectionism? Do you value your children’s character over their achievements? If so, how do you communicate this to them?

If perfectionism is a problem for you or your children, script your change.

What is the specific situation in which you tend to foster perfectionism?

What will you do differently in that situation?

What will you say?

(2) Practice “satisficing”: Model it, teach it directly, and practice together. Here are three simple steps for practicing saticficing:

1. Outline the criteria for success. You might also want to set time limits with some kids (or for yourself).

2. Choose the first option that meets all of your criteria for success. This means truly stopping when those “finished” signs appear.

3. Focus on the positive aspects of the choice you made or project you completed. What worked out well? What do you like about it? Resist the temptation to think of what “might have been.”

If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below.
DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.


This post is taken from “The Raising Happiness Homestudy,” an online course I created as a companion to my book Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents. I’m sharing one “class” from this online course per week here, on my blog. Want to see previous posts? Just click this Raising Happiness Homestudy tag. Enjoy!