Category: Raising Happiness Homestudy

How to Improve Your Luck. Seriously.

“Lucky people meet their perfect partners, achieve their lifelong ambitions, find fulfilling careers, and live happy and meaningful lives. Their success is not due to their working especially hard, being amazingly talented, or being exceptionally intelligent. Instead, they appear to have an uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time and enjoy more than their fair share of lucky breaks.”
—Dr. Richard Wiseman

Which of the lucky behaviors described in the video seems the most fun for you to practice with your kids? Pick one and schedule it. For example:

(1) Practice making eye contact with strangers, or making a new friend.
(2) Have fun with a new experience.
(3) Do some relaxing.
(4) Play good luck…bad luck…who knows?

More About Raising Lucky Kids:

If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below. DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.

This video is the 2nd in a series about fostering the skills of luck, optimism, and generosity from The Raising Happiness Homestudy. Check out the rest of the Homestudy here .

by admin

Shopping is not a Happiness Strategy

“A new dress doesn’t get you anywhere; it’s the life you’re living in the dress, and the sort of life you had lived before, and what you will do in it later.”
—Diana Vreeland

This video is the 1st in a series about avoiding beliefs or habits that make us unhappy from The Raising Happiness Homestudy. In it, I discuss the causes and consequences of materialism in our children, and what we can do about it. Check out the rest of the Homestudy here .

Two Tips for Raising Children Who are NOT Materialistic

(1) Identify how you might be communicating materialistic values to your kids and make a plan to stop doing that. What do you want to stop saying in front of them? Then, talk with your kids about materialism and how it makes us unhappy. Ask: Do you think a bigger house would make you happier? Why or why not? Talk about the things that ACTUALLY DO make you happy in life.

(2) Set limits around media. Perhaps you’ll decide that there will be no screen time during the school week, or on Wednesdays, or until homework is done, etc. Then, fill that time with activities that actually can make you or your family happier, such as a family board game.

If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below. DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.

by Christine Carter

Bring Back the Raising Happiness Habit Tracker!

This video is the 4th in a series about being happier as a parent from The Raising Happiness Homestudy. Watch the rest of the videos here.

“Things start as hopes and end up as habits.”
― Lillian Hellman

This Week’s Practice: Begin a New Habit

Click here to download the habit tracker PDF

Knowing how to form a new habit and break an old one is a life-skill used again and again. This week, work on yourself first. (I know, it is tempting to want to fix other people first. Resist, for now.)

What habit would bring greater happiness into your life? If you aren’t sure, I recommend starting a daily exercise or meditation habit.

Here’s How to Use the Habit Tracker:

(1) Put your big over-arching goal at the top.

(2) Choose one ridiculously easy turtle-step per week.

(3) Each day you take your turtle-step, mark the X. (Clearly this worksheet was designed for children. Embrace your inner-child while you do this.)

(4) If you do get Xs everyday (or every weekday, or each day the habit is relevant), give yourself a “whoot!” and move to the next turtle step next week.

(5) If you don’t take your turtle-step each day, c’est la vie. Next week: make the turtle-step even easier. Is your next step ridiculously easy?

I know, this seems slow and rather painstaking. Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just set our mind to something and then do it? Don’t be discouraged; we humans need time to make changes. Even though the turtle-steps are absurdly small, they are the beginning of big change.

If you want to learn more about habit formation, this blog post will give you a little more of a foundation.

If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below.
DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.

This post is taken from “The Raising Happiness Homestudy,” an online course I created as a companion to my book Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents. I’m sharing one “class” from this online course per week here, on my blog. Want to see previous posts? Just click this Raising Happiness Homestudy tag. Enjoy!

by Christine Carter

Why Parents Aren’t Happy

We say [‘I’m SO BUSY’] to one another with no small degree of pride, as if our exhaustion were a trophy, our ability to withstand stress a real mark of character. The busier we are, the more important we seem to ourselves and, we imagine, to others.”–Wayne Muller

This video is the 3rd in a series about being happier as a parent from the Raising Happiness Homestudy. Watch the rest of the videos here.

Video Notes:

We can’t do our best raising our children without being happy, and we can’t be happy if we are too busy to enjoy life. So this week our practice is to focus on cutting back and saying no.

(1) First, take notice:

What types of activities routinely make you feel “crazybusy”?

What types of things are you doing out of obligation or routine, that you feel you should do, but that don’t bring you (or your kids) joy?

What do you do because you are afraid of missing out?

What “extras” do you have in your life that you wouldn’t miss if you took them out?

(2) Get out your axe. Start systematically pulling things off your calendar.

(3) Plan for the future.

Make rules for yourself so you don’t end up back where you started, e.g., no email after 9:00 pm.

Get support from your friends, your own parents, or your spouse.

Script and practice saying no.
Clear roadblocks. Is there someone in your life whose expectations might make your life more difficult? Who is imposing “should dos”? Talk with them directly about your happiness and the happiness of your children. Then listen to yourself, not them.

If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below.
DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.

by Christine Carter

Why Parents’ Happiness Is Important

“If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work.”
–Thich Nhat Hanh

This video the 2nd in a series about being happier as a parent from The Raising Happiness Homestudy. Watch the first video here.

Notes for the upcoming week:

This week, record your “bright spots” throughout the day and week. Bright spots are activities or times when you feel bliss, joy, play, fun, flow, etc. And then consider: How can you add more bright spots to your life?

As an example, I feel total bliss if I wake up a few minutes early, make myself a cup of coffee, and let myself read before the rest of the family comes downstairs for breakfast. This is a bright spot for me, and so I know I can’t stay up late the night before if I want to wake up early.

With my kids, my bright spot is bedtime: cuddling (well, when they were littler…now I take what I can get) reading together on their beds, talking about “three good things” from our day. I miss this time when I give a talk at night, and so I reschedule it for after school: I leave work early, pick up the kids, and we hang out together until I need to leave for my talk.

Sometimes it’s not about adding something blissful to the calendar, but instead transforming existing activities, e.g., afternoons with the kids, into something that we enjoy more.

Join the Discussion
We can also clone bright spots from other people, or other parts of our lives. Please post your bright spots in the discussion here so that others get ideas.

by Christine Carter

The Happiness Advantage

Note: Because the course was designed to focus on one theme per month (and one instructional video per week) I label the videos as such, e.g., this video is Theme One, Week One.

“The mere search for higher happiness, not merely its actual attainment, is a prize beyond all human wealth or honor or physical pleasure.”

—Cicero

This video begins Theme One: “How and why to put your own happiness first.”

Here is what I want you to get out of the video: We need to prioritize happiness in our lives, and our children’s lives, over all other things.

Please understand that I’m not meaning to say that we need to prioritize pleasure, or gratification, or that we need to prioritize happiness over basic needs like food and shelter (the absence of which makes happiness much more difficult). Rather, we need to prioritize positive emotions and resilience. This class will help you build the skills you need to foster both positive emotions (like compassion) and resiliency in your family.

In this video, I talk about how Aristotle viewed happiness as the “chief” or “highest” good. I like the way that Darrin McMahon explains this in his dense but interesting book Happiness: A History:

What, then, is the highest good of the craft of life, the good for which all others are simply means, the end that is complete in and of itself? In Aristotle’s view, this final end is happiness…It is our natural telos—the end we ought to reach if we live well—and our highest attainment to be won by cultivating the faculty that sets us apart from all other creatures and acting accordingly…Happiness, Aristotle concludes, is an “activity of the soul expressing virtue.”

Join the Discussion
Reflect on how you are spending your time. What “roads to happiness” are you already on? What beliefs, activities, and habits do you have that routinely bring greater happiness and meaning into your life? Don’t forget to consider activities that deepen your connection to others, including your children. The goal here is to reflect on what you are already doing well.

If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below.
DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.

by Christine Carter

Meet Your Instructor

A sociologist and senior fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, Christine Carter, Ph.D., is the author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work (January 2015) and Raising Happiness (2011).

After receiving her B.A. from Dartmouth College, where she was a Senior Fellow, Dr. Carter worked in marketing management and school administration, going on to receive her Ph.D. in sociology from UC Berkeley. A sought after keynote speaker, Dr. Carter loves to share her work with new audiences. Combining scientific research and practical application, she offers audiences not only a way to cope with modern pressures, but a way to truly thrive. Speaking to executives, general audiences, and parents, Dr. Carter looks at living life from your “sweet spot”—that place of both power and ease.

Dr. Carter also writes an award-winning blog, which is frequently syndicated on the Greater Good Science Center, HuffingtonPost, PsychologyToday.com, Positively Positive, Medium, and several other websites. She has twice been nominated for an award from the American Sociological Association for public sociology.

Dr. Carter has been quoted or featured in The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, The Chicago Tribune, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, The NewYorkTimes.com as well as Real Simple, Good Housekeeping, Parenting, Men’s Health, Martha Stewart’s Whole Living, Fitness, Redbook, and dozens of other publications. She has appeared on the “Oprah Winfrey Show,” the “Dr. Oz Show”, the “TODAY” show, the “Rachael Ray Show,” “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” “CBS Sunday Morning,” “ABC World News with Diane Sawyer”, PBS, as well as NPR and BBC Radio.

She lives with her husband, four kids, and dog Buster in Marin County, California.

by Christine Carter

Welcome to The Raising Happiness Homestudy!

Note: I mention in this video that classes are released each Monday; we’re releasing the classes on a regular basis, but they are not necessarily being released on Mondays.

I first started creating this Homestudy in 2010, after Raising Happiness was published. From the beginning, this Homestudy has been a labor of love. Back then I was raising my two daughters as a single mother and the executive director of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. Lots has changed in my life since then!

Several years ago, I married my long-time boyfriend, the father of two kids himself. Our blended household now includes four teenagers (they are 13, 14, 15, and 16). It isn’t dull! I love having a big family, and I love being the mother of teenagers. I’m finding that the lessons in this Homestudy are more relevant than ever. It’s been really fun for me to refresh this class and see how little my philosophy and coaching has changed.

Then:

Now:

As I say in the welcome video, above: There is always a “buy-one-get-one free” special running in the happiness department. It doesn’t matter whether you are taking this class to be happier as a parent, or to raise happier children; the good news is that you will both become happier. Joyful parents model the skills kids need to grow up to be happy adults. And happy kids make it a LOT easier to be happy as a parent.

I hope you enjoy taking this course as much as I enjoyed creating it.

With love,

by admin

Raising Happiness with a Teenager in the House

I’m a little bossy (my brother always jokes that he is going to make a t-shirt for me that reads, “I’m not bossy. People just need direction”) and so the strategies I describe in this video are good ones for me to practice. And they are good for younger kids, too — why not get in the habit of asking good questions and being the “historian of their success” sooner rather than later?.

If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below. DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.

This video is the 2nd in a set of bonus videos from The Raising Happiness Homestudy. Check out the rest of the Homestudy here . .

by admin

Parenting Video: Choosing to Forgive

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.” –Buddha

Covered in This Video:

Why holding a grudge is not a happiness habit
Why–and how–to raise forgiving kids
Why revenge isn’t thrilling or glamorous
Choosing compassion rather than anger

If you would like to download the audio version of this video to listen to in your car or on the go, click the link below. DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO VERSION HERE.

This video is the 4th in a series about avoiding beliefs or habits that make us unhappy from The Raising Happiness Homestudy. Check out the rest of the Homestudy here .