Emerson once wrote, “The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when [we] discover that someone else believes in us and is willing to trust us.” When we are making lifestyle changes, it is best not to go it alone–we need to know who else believes in us, who trusts that the changes we’ve made are going to stick.

And when we changing the way we interact with our devices, we’ll do well to tell our family, friends and co-workers that we are establishing a strategic checking schedule and going through a digital detox.

You don’t have to be the president to need a cabinet of close advisers for advice and inspiration, so surround yourself with people who understand what you’ve been working so hard on, and can support you going forward. I can’t underscore enough how critical this is for success.

The first and most obvious reason that we need a support team is that our friends and family can help hold us accountable, acting as a bit of external willpower when our self-control falters. This is especially important during a digital detox! Our friends know when we are acting addicted to technology again; they can see the timestamp on our emails.

Most of us care what other people think of us, and when we make our intentions public in some way—even if our public is just an inner circle of close friends—our intentions have more power.

Beyond that, other people can keep us on track when we are so depleted that we no longer care what other people think. Our friends can refuse to respond to texts that come after our bedtimes, for example, and they can help us shut our computers down when it is time to take a break.

When we make our intentions public in some way—even if our public is just an inner circle of close friends—our intentions have more power. Share on X

Second, there is a plethora of empirical evidence that we are herd animals, and we typically do what our peers do. (Please don’t think you are the exception to this rule. While I don’t doubt that you are in many ways a maverick, odds are that you also look and act a lot like your peers in many other ways.) Compelling research demonstrates that our behavior is influenced not just by our friends but by our friends’ friends’ friends. Because the behavior of others is highly contagious, we do well when we hang out with people who are already in the types of habits that we are trying to maintain. At a minimum, this means finding people at work who are succeeding at leaving their work at work.

Help is a good thing. Surround yourself with people who want to better themselves. 

Tell folks you are working with a productivity expert (that’s me), and she’s coaching you to find more focus, flow and enjoyment at work and in life. You’ll only be checking your email at two or three set times per day. Tell them you expect to be able to respond more thoughtfully to email this way, and that when you’re with them, you’ll be fully present. Perhaps invite them to a smartphone-free lunch.

Worried that people will see you as unresponsive or slacking at work?

Leslie Perlow’s research indicates otherwise; in fact, research suggests that your colleagues will likely notice your increased productivity and see you as more collaborative, efficient, and effective when you reduce constant phone and email monitoring.

 

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This is a recommended practice from a series about gaining control of your time, attention and energy in my online course, The Science of Finding Flow. Learn more about this activity by checking out Unit 3, Detox, The Science of Finding Flow.

If you were trying to eat less candy, would you carry a bowl of it around with you?

Would you put it on your nightstand and reach into it first thing in the morning? And then carry it with you to the bathroom? And then set it next to you while you try to eat a healthy breakfast? And then put it on your car dashboard as you drive to work? I didn’t think so.

Do you check your email before you get out of bed?

If you are using your smartphone as an alarm clock, you’re probably tempted to check your messages before you even get out of bed. Is this really the best way to start your day? Maybe it is. Perhaps checking your email is your highest priority, and you have time for it before breakfast. Perhaps working with your head still on the pillow doesn’t disrupt your sleep, and you can actually do good work that way.

If that isn’t you, however, you aren’t alone. Most people do much better work when they put off checking their email until they are actually at work. Here’s an easy solution. Bury your email application on your phone in a folder on a back page. That way, when you turn off your alarm, you won’t see your email icon, and you won’t see how many unread emails you have. This is akin to hiding Halloween candy from your children so they don’t start begging you for a piece first thing in the morning, when they see it. If that strategy doesn’t work (because you are, um, addicted), remove your email from your phone altogether for a few months, or use an old-fashioned alarm clock until you’ve kicked the habit.

Most people do much better work when they put off checking their email until they are actually at work. Share on X

This activity is about keeping that smartphone tucked away until you actually need it.

Think of it as a tool, like a hammer, that you don’t need to pull out until one of your strategically designated times. (If you are a parent, make the adjustments you need to in case there is a call from your child’s school or another kind of emergency.)

Get creative: consider removing email from your phone, or at least moving it to a back “page” of apps, so that you don’t see it if you are turning off your alarm or using another app. Dig up your old-fashioned alarm clock, update your car’s navigation system, and put that digital camera back in your bag for the times when getting a call or text will tempt you even if the sound, vibrate, and all other alerts are off.

 

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This is a recommended practice from a series about gaining control of your time, attention and energy in my online course, Science of Finding Flow. Learn more about this activity by checking out Unit 3, Detox, here.

Just because we can take a laptop into the bathroom does not mean that this is a sensible thing to do. (Fecal matter can be found on one in six cell phones. Need I note that this is disgusting?) Similarly, your bed is for sleeping, not for checking Facebook, even though you can. Neither is it safe to text in the car, while driving yourself, nor is it polite if you’re a passenger in a car if the driver is a friend or someone expecting conversation.

Tempted to check your email at a red light? Turn your attention to your breath and just breathe: you will gain more in productivity and well-being from the one-minute relaxation. Remember, boredom is not a health hazard, but technology overuse is.

Use this PDF to decide on the times during which you will not EVER use a device. This is a backup plan, for when your strategic checking times slip and become “just one quick check while I wait” (see previous classes in Unit 3 of the Flow Class for more about this).

 Click here to download a worksheetFor example, here are some times in my life when I try hard not to text, be on the phone, email, or check my Facebook feed:

• • During meals. There is nothing so important that it can’t wait twenty minutes, and I don’t want to lose this important downtime (if I’m alone) or time to connect with my friends and family.
  • While someone else is helping me with something, like a clerk in a store.
  • While I’m working, unless I’m working on answering and writing email.
  • After 9:00 p.m. In the evening all my devices automatically switch over to their “do not disturb” setting, and are turned off entirely thirty minutes before I go to bed. Why thirty minutes? Because the low-energy blue light emitted by our tablets and smartphones stimulates chemical messengers in our brains that make us more alert, and it suppresses others (like melatonin) that help us fall asleep.
  • Before breakfast. I’ve found that if I start checking my email first thing in the morning, I derail my carefully constructed morning routine, and I can’t fulfill my first priority, which is to nurture myself.

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This post is taken from The Science of Finding Flow, an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less.

We all know we’d do well to disable the push features, alerts, and notifications on our mobile devices, desktop, and laptop computers that distract us. But this is a hard step for many people.

Good news: You don’t have to turn off your phone altogether. But we are far more focused (and therefore productive, successful, and often even happy) when we turn off distracting dings and vibrations when we are working or focusing on something besides incoming emails and texts.

Why? When we interrupt ourselves to check what just came in, we lose time, focus, and productivity (we are going to talk about multi-tasking in the coming classes). Most people do not have the mental fortitude it takes to ignore an incoming texts or emails–and even if we do have the self-discipline, research shows that just resisting impairs cognition measurably.

Putting down your smartphone allows you to truly connect with the people who are in your presence, even if it is a checker at the grocery store that you don’t know. Share on X

For now, start giving yourself the gift of being fully present with your attention wherever you are, feeling whatever you are feeling, even if that feeling is boredom (at first). Putting down your smartphone allows you to truly connect with the people who are in your presence, even if it is a checker at the grocery store that you don’t know. This will ultimately make you more productive, intelligent, and happy. I promise.

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This post is taken from The Science of Finding Flow, an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less.

This video and post are from a series about how to focus from my online course, the Science of Finding Flow.

Although we usually assume that a state of deep concentration is hard to achieve (and getting harder these days, as the interruptions from our smartphone/email/texts mount) the truth is that we can access this wonderful state much more easily than we often realize. We just need to create a little routine for ourselves. You’ve already created most of it by making a plan to minimize interruptions and distractions. There are three more things for you to do:

1. Clear mental clutter. What is going on in your mind that will keep you from finding flow?

Take a quick look at your task list, and decide what you will do today and when you will do it. When our subconscious mind doesn’t know when we will complete a task, it will often interrupt our flow state with intrusive reminders about what else we need to do. Research shows that our unconscious isn’t actually nagging us to do the task at hand but rather to make a plan to get it done. So scheduling a task can make a huge difference in our ability to focus on something else.

Another precursor to getting into The Zone is knowing where you are in your workflow. “That constant awareness of what is next is what keeps you focused,” Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, told Entrepreneur magazine. “That’s where the engagement comes from.”

So note what you’ve just accomplished, what you hope to accomplish next, and what you’ll work on after that.

As I approach my tasks, I also find it helpful to take a quick peek at my calendar and email to clear mental clutter. Is there anything urgent? The idea isn’t to respond to emails; it’s a check that keeps me from worrying while I work that I should have checked my email, and keeps me from wondering if there is anything on my calendar that I should be preparing for.

2. Prepare your brain to go into a deep state of focus.

3. Ritualize all this behavior.

You’ve planned out your focusing ritual already, by building a focusing fortress — now you need to enter it. Do this ritualistically and habitually—in the same order every single time. Eventually, you’ll start your focus routine and your brain will start doing this on autopilot. This routine signals to your brain that you are about to drop into a state of flow, and soon you’ll be able to drop in more and more quickly.

Rituals like these make it possible for ordinary people to do extraordinary work. #flow #thezone Share on X

After I go through all my little desk-clearing, fortress-building tasks (same order every time, remember), I have a funny little calming ritual. I take three to five very deep, slow breaths, to signal to my brain and nervous system that I’m safe and calm. This gives me better access to the most creative and intelligent parts of my brain.

While I’m breathing deeply, I think about what I’d like to accomplish, and I ask a higher power (or my highest self?) for assistance. This is an act of openness and faith I don’t fully understand, but it works for me. There is research that indicates that prayer, which this is akin to, can be powerful. But it could also be that it is just a little intention setting ritual that tells my brain what to focus on.

Also while I’m breathing, I fill my consciousness with loving and playful thoughts, taking a moment to think about what will be fun about the task I’m about to do. I literally do a mini loving-kindness meditation, sending myself and all beings everywhere joy and ease. You’ll learn more about this in Unit 7: Flourish, but this is a VERY effective way to prime the brain for performance. (I know, sounds woo-woo, but try it. It works. And there is solid science to back it up.)

Elite performers—from Stephen Curry to Maya Angelou—train themselves to drop into The Zone unconsciously by performing little rituals like this. (Angelou said that she used her pre-writing routine to “enchant” herself.) Indeed, rituals like these make it possible for ordinary people to do extraordinary work.

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This “class” is from “The Science of Finding Flow,” an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less. Want to go on to the next class or start the course from the beginning? It’s free! Just go to The Science of Finding Flow course page. Enjoy!

This post is from a series about gaining control of your time, attention and energy in my online course, Science of Finding Flow. Read the rest here.

Unless you are some sort of superhero, you will not be able to cure yourself of your internet/device/email addiction perfectly the first time you try. Research indicates that 88 percent of people have failed to keep a new resolution; in my experience as a human being and a coach, 100 percent of people trying to reduce their screen time lapse in their attempt. So what to do if you’re struggling?

1. Don’t get too emotional about your slip or succumb to self-criticism. Instead, forgive yourself. Remind yourself that lapses are part of the process, and that feeling guilty or bad about your behavior will not increase your future success.

Instead of giving yourself a mental lashing, comfort yourself. To follow-through on our good intentions, we need to feel safe and secure. When we are stressed, our brain tries to rescue us by activating our dopamine systems. A dopamine rush makes temptations more tempting. Think of this as your brain pushing you toward a comfort item . . . like the snooze button instead of the morning jog, onion rings instead of mixed greens, or that easy taxi to work rather than the less-than-comfortable urban bike ride. So sometimes the best thing that we can do to help ourselves unplug is to preemptively comfort ourselves in healthy ways. What makes you feel safe and secure—and doesn’t sabotage your detox efforts? Perhaps you need to seek out a hug or take a walk outside.

Lapses are part of the process, and feeling guilty or bad about your behavior will not increase your future success. Share on X

2. Figure out what the problem is. This may be blazingly obvious, but in order to do better tomorrow, you’ll need to know what is causing your trip-ups. What temptation can you remove? Were you stressed or tired or hungry—and if so, how can you prevent that the next time? Figure it out, and make a specific plan for what to do if you find yourself in a similar situation again. What will you do differently? What have you learned from your slip?

3. Beware the “What the Hell” effect. Say you’ve sworn not to check your email before breakfast, but you’ve been online since your alarm went off…three hours ago. You’re now at risk for what researchers formally call the Abstinence Violation Effect (AVE) and jokingly call the “what the hell effect.” If you’ve already blown your plan today, why not go hog wild? What the hell—you can begin again tomorrow, right? Wrong. The more damage you do during your technology binge, the more likely you are to slip again the next day, and the less confidence you’ll have in yourself that you can change. So as soon as you notice you’ve slipped, go back to your plan. Double down, friends, double down.

4. Rededicate yourself to your detox (now, in this instant, not tomorrow). Why do you want to make the changes that you do? How will you benefit? Do a little deep breathing and calm contemplation of your goals.

The more damage you do during your technology binge, the more likely you are to slip again the next day. Share on X

5. Beware of moral licensing. This is a potential landmine to avoid on your better days: as you notice how well you are doing staying unplugged or not working when you aren’t at work, don’t let yourself feel so good about the progress you are making that you unleash what researchers call the “licensing effect.” The licensing effect occurs when we behave virtuously and then “cancel out” our good deeds by doing something naughty. When we behave in line with our goals and values—whether it’s as large as staying unplugged for an entire vacation or as small as not talking on the phone while you are checking out at the grocery store—we ironically risk backsliding. Consciously or unconsciously, we tend to feel that healthy or virtuous activities entitle us to partake in less-good activities. Smokers will smoke more, for example, when they believe they’ve just taken a vitamin C tablet. Similarly, philanthropists tend to give away less money after they’ve been reminded of their humanitarian attributes. One study even found that after people buy eco-friendly products, they’re more likely to cheat and steal!

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This post is taken from The Science of Finding Flow, an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less.

This short video is from a series about gaining control of your time, attention and energy in my online course, Science of Finding Flow. Read the rest here.

Do you check your phone first thing in the morning? If so, you aren’t alone.

One survey found that 80% of 18-44 year olds (and 89% of 18-24 year olds) check their phones within the first 15 minutes of waking up. And a quarter of those surveyed could not recall a time during the day that their device was not within reach or in the same room.

Another study found that people tend to check their email about every 15 minutes; another found that in 2007 the average knowledge worker opened their email 50 times a day, while using instant messaging 77 times a day—imagine what that might be today, nearly a decade later, given the evidence that we spend more time checking than ever before.

Clearly, we check our smartphones constantly. Is that bad?

A study of college students at Kent State University found that people who check their phones frequently tend to experience higher levels of distress during their leisure time (when they intend to relax).

Similarly, Elizabeth Dunn and Kostadin Kushlev regulated how frequently participants checked their email throughout the day. Those striving to check only three times a day were less tense and less stressed overall.

Moreover, checking constantly reduces our productivity. All that checking interrupts us from accomplishing our more important work; with each derailment, it takes us on average about a half hour to get back on track.

So why do we check constantly?

Why do we check first thing in the morning, if it just makes us tense and keeps us from getting our work done? Because it also feels, well…awesome. The Internet and electronic communications engage many of our senses—often simultaneously. All that checking excites our brain, providing the novelty and stimulation it adores. So even though disconnecting from the devices and communications that make us tense and decrease our productivity seems like a logical thing to do, your novelty-and-stimulation-seeking brain won’t want to do it. In fact, it will tell you that you are being more productive when you are online and connected to your messages than when you are disconnected and focusing on something important.

This point is worth lingering on: how productive we are does not correlate well with how productive we feel. Multitasking and checking a lot feels productive because our brains are so stimulated when we are doing it. But it isn’t actually productive; one Stanford study showed that while media multitaskers tended to perceive themselves to be performing better, they actually tended to perform worse on every measure the researchers studied.

Much of our checking and busyness, to paraphrase Shakespeare, is all sound and fury, no meaning or significance. You can sit all day in front of your computer checking and responding to email, but accomplish not one of your priorities. It may feel like a more valuable activity, because it feels more productive. But it is neither.

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This post is taken from The Science of Finding Flow, an online course I created as a companion to my book The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less.

Instead of just willing ourselves not to check our phones, social media, and email so often, we need to configure our online time so that we are less tempted to check compulsively. The goal is to check email, social media, and messages just a few times a day—intentionally, not impulsively. Our devices are thus returned to their status as tools we use strategically — not slot machines that randomly demand our energy and attention.

I counsel my clients to check email first thing in the morning and in the late afternoon—and that’s it. Here is the key: During those times, you’ll need to block out enough time to get through new emails, and, if possible, all the way to the bottom of your inbox. If a particular email is going to take more than 5 minutes to read and respond to, put it in a folder (“to do this week”) and add whatever it entails to a task list. If you need X hours a day to deal with your email, make sure you’ve scheduled X hours daily. On your calendar. For real.

I check my email quickly before I begin my most important work so that I can delete or unsubscribe from junk and respond to anything urgent. I respond to everything else in my email in the late afternoon.

I actually block this time out on my calendar as a recurring appointment, and then move it around as necessary to make room for other meetings — that way I check strategically, not impulsively. I occasionally look at (and maybe post to) social media once in the afternoon, if I have time, and then I close it for the day. I respond to most texts at lunch, and voicemails once mid-morning and once mid-afternoon (between calls and meetings).

Starting Small Works

Feeling panicky at the prospect of detoxing from your email and messages so drastically? Start with very small chunks of time, or very limited spaces. Commit to unplug for just twenty minutes—at dinner, for example—or to just leave your device out of your children’s room, or do not check email before you are actually out of bed one morning per week. Often we need to give our nervous system time to adjust; we need to have the experience that our heart does not actually stop beating—or that a crisis has not erupted at work—in the few minutes that we’ve turned off our phone. (In fact, we enjoyed it! We were more efficient and less stressed!) The idea is to build internal fortitude through positive experience slowly rather than trying to massively make over our lives in one fell swoop.

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This is a recommended practice from a series about gaining control of your time, attention and energy in my online course, Science of Finding Flow. Learn more about this activity by checking out Unit 3, Detox, here.