The best gift you can give yourself this Valentine’s Day is gratitude for your special someone. Research shows that when we consciously think of things we appreciate about our spouses, we feel more in-love!

Take Action: Every day this week, note something you love and appreciate about your Valentine. (Even if you are annoyed that she didn’t take out the trash, or he forgot to make the kids’ lunches, again.)  Extra Credit: Tell him or her what you love in a text, a card, or a little whisper at the end of the day. Expressing your gratitude is even more powerful than just thinking about it.

Join the Discussion: What do you love about your lover? Share in the comments below!

Did you know that the best predictor of success in school is not grades or SAT scores, but a quality researchers call “grit”? Gritty people do well because they are able to persist in the face of difficulty. In adulthood, grit predicts both success and happiness.

Grit is not a personality trait that you have or don’t have; it is a skill you can develop in yourself.

If you have a hard time persisting through challenge, the best way to develop more grit is to check your belief about WHY you are facing difficulty. Do you believe that you are inherently not-good at whatever it is you are pursuing? If so, you have what psychologists call a “fixed-mindset,” and that fixed-mindset is your biggest problem.

People who have “growth-mindsets” (instead of fixed-mindsets) tend to have more grit because they believe that their success is based on their effort rather than their innate talents. So when they find something challenging or difficult, they believe that they can and will improve through their hard work and persistent effort.

Mindsets are self-fulfilling. People who believe something is hard because they inherently aren’t good at it quit earlier, and improve less. People who believe that they CAN improve through continued practice tend to practice more–even when the going gets rough–and therefore they get even better.

Take Action: Identify an area of your life where you tend to quit in the face of difficulty. Do you believe that you lack the innate talent that you need to succeed? Research shows us, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the power of innate talent pales in comparison to the power of grit when it comes to success. If you practice something deliberately, especially if you have good strategies to direct your effort, your performance will improve. Try approaching your difficult activity with this growth-mindset knowledge, and see if it helps you persist when the going gets rough.

Join the discussion: In what area of your life do you want to develop more grit? Do you have a fixed-mindset (you believe that you are successful–or not–because of your innate ability) or a growth-mindset (you believe your success will depend on your effort and practice)? Comment below.

Double down for one more week and reap the benefits.

This week is an important one for people who made New Year’s resolutions (I hope that’s you)! If you can keep your resolution for the rest of January, you’ll be much more likely to end the year having kept it, too.

Here are two tips for hanging in there if you are starting to falter:

1.     Remember that there is a world of difference between lapse and relapse.  A lapse is a small slip in behavior, and nearly everyone has them. Most people slip here and there a lot in January. A relapse is a full fall: You give up, you go back to your pre-resolution behavior.

If you’ve had a few slips, ask yourself why. What can you learn from your mistakes? Were you on vacation? (That’s always hard.) Do you not have a specific enough plan for how to fulfill your resolution? What temptation or situation should you avoid in the future? Remember: Lapses are to be expected. They are a part of the process. Don’t freak out or give up if you have a bad day here or there.

2.     Beware the “what the hell effect.” It’s really important not to let a temporary lapse become something bigger than it is. Say you’ve sworn off sugar, but one morning you eat a pie for breakfast. You’re at risk for what researchers formally call the Abstinence Violation Effect (AVE), and jokingly call the “what the hell effect.” If you’ve already blown your diet today, why not go hog wild? What the hell–you can begin again tomorrow, right?

Wrong. The more damage you do during your binge, the more likely you are to slip again the next day, and the less confidence you’ll have in yourself that you can change. As soon as you notice a slip, try the following to avoid getting to that “what the hell” moment:

• Forgive yourself. Remind yourself that lapses are a part of the process, and that feeling guilty or bad about your behavior will not increase your future success. (In fact, self-criticism actually decreases future success.)
• Rededicate yourself to your resolution (now, in this instant, not tomorrow). Why do you want to make the changes that you do? How will you benefit? Do a little deep breathing and calm contemplation of your goals.
• Make a plan for the next time you will face a similar challenge. What will you do differently? How will you avoid the temptation in the future? What have you learned from your slip?

Take Action: Learn more about how to successfully make change this year. Read the full post from my Greater Good blog here, or take this online class (“Cracking the Habit Code: 21 Days to Keeping Your Resolutions”). Register by midnight tonight and get the class HALF OFF!

Join the Discussion: What did you resolve this year? How is it going?

Were you too busy over the holidays to make your New Year’s resolutions? Or maybe you made a resolution, but you never really started doing it?

Making a New Year’s resolution increases the odds that you will make a change in the coming year by TEN TIMES! If there is something in particular that you’d like to improve about yourself, make a resolution now.

Here are some quick tips for making successful changes:

1. Pair your list of resolutions down to JUST ONE easy thing. You have a limited supply of willpower each day, and unless you are superhuman, you probably don’t have the self-control you need to deal with your life AND keep up with a long list of lofty resolutions. Better to aim a little lower, but then actually accomplish something. What one small thing do you want to do differently this year?

2. Be really specific about what you’d like to achieve. Maybe you want to get more exercise, but you haven’t really done much on this front. Specify HOW you will get more exercise and EXACTLY WHAT you will do (e.g., take the stairs every morning and evening, or to go to the gym twice a week).

3. Pre-commit to your resolutions. Like Odysseus chaining himself to the mast while sailing past the Sirens, sometimes we need extreme measures to keep ourselves from temptation. Yale researchers created a website where you can make a contract with yourself to keep your resolution (stickK.com). I love this website, and recommend it highly. Folks who commit  to their resolution fully on stickK.com (by naming a referee to enforce financial penalties) dramatically increase their odds of success.

Take Action: Make your one easy, specific resolution now, and find a way to “pre-commit” to it. What penalty will you suffer if you don’t meet your commitment?

Join the Discussion: Tell us what your resolution and pre-commitment is here.

Want more support for your resolutions? Sign up to get the last week of emails related to our resolutions group here; the free version of this class ends January 21st, so jump in now!

The most fun part of 2012 for me was sharing my Happiness Tips on the Dr. Oz Show. If you missed that episode, you can watch it here:

 

Readers also voted on their favorite Happiness Tips — through their clicks, comments, and shares on Facebook and Twitter. Wondering which Happiness Tips were most popular in 2012? Here’s the list!

1. Make a Plan
2. Write a Love Letter
3. Change Your Mantra
4. Give 8 Hugs a Day
5. Make Gratitude Placecards
6. Touch the Earth
7. Commit to Kindness
8. Cultivate Your Support Network
9. Spend Some Time Alone
10. Listen to Your Favorite Song (bonus: a crowd-sourced happy song playlist)

Join the Discussion: Which Happiness Tip was your favorite, or created the most happiness for you? Did we miss one that you especially remember? We’d love to know — don’t forget to leave a comment below!

You want to lose weight. Get out of debt. Eat more kale. Call your grandma more often.

I do understand why New Year’s resolutions don’t make a lot of people happy: They can be a source of failure, year after year. Folks often pick resolutions that are inherently unrewarding, that necessitate relentless hard work, or that remind them of their mortality in a way that makes them feel small instead of grateful. I know because I’ve made all of those mistakes.

But now? I firmly believe that New Year’s resolutions can be a lasting source of happiness. Personally, I use them to transform myself in small increments, taking turtle steps toward new habits. I begin slowly around the winter solstice, and inch myself toward a newer, better self. By spring, my new habits have taken hold, and the green leaves of growth unfurl.

What are you resolving for the New Year?  Is it something that will make you happier? (I write about my favorite happiness-inducing resolutions here, on my my Greater Good blog.)  Inspire others by sharing your resolutions below.

Take Action: Join Our Resolutions Group — Free! Over the years I’ve learned a lot of tricks for successfully keeping New Year’s resolutions. And in the last three years, the science around willpower and habits has made great advancements, which helps a lot. To share all I’ve learned, I’ve created this online course about making and keeping great New Year’s resolutions. Sign up now; it’s free for a limited time only.

Cheers to making 2013 the BEST YEAR YET!

In the hustle and bustle of this holiday season, boost your happiness with this savoring technique: take a mental photograph. “Pause for a moment and consciously be aware of things you  want to remember later,” Stacey Kennelly instructs in this Greater Good article, “such as the sound of a loved one’s chuckle, or a touching moment between two family members.”

This is a way of consciously looking for the good in our daily life and bringing our awareness to it so that we might enjoy positive moments more.

Take Action: Pause long enough to compose a mental picture in your mind of something you are enjoying. What sound, sight, or feeling would you particularly like to savor?

Join the Discussion: What happened this week that you want to remember? What did you take time to savor? Share with us by commenting below!

 

Many of us are really gearing up for the next wave of holidays right now, and are perhaps feeling a bit overwhelmed. This year, instead of automatically going into holiday overdrive, take a moment to reflect on what is important to you, and make a plan to simplify your holidays.

Take Action: Follow these instructions from the Center for a New American Dream’s “Simplify the Holidays” booklet:

1. List all the holiday-related tasks for which you were responsible last year (e.g., buying gifts, making cards, decorating the house, guests, etc.).

2. Put a star next to the activities you truly enjoyed. Look at your list and consider the following questions:

Which activities could you scale back to reduce stress?

Where can you enlist help to make tasks easier and more fun?

Which activities could you cut out altogether?

Which activities do you find particularly enriching, and worthy of more time and effort?

Join the Discussion: What holiday activities will you be nixing this year? Which ones are worthy of your time and effort? Share with us by commenting below!

Looking for more tips for simplifying the holidays? Check out this fantastic little booklet.

In my family on Thanksgiving, we appreciate each other by writing on our dinner table place cards. The kids make giant construction paper place cards for each guest, and as people arrive and mingle, we each take some time to sit down at the table and write on the inside of each place card something that we love or appreciate about them. (I describe this practice more in this video.)

This ritual makes us feel loved, and helps us express the love we have for those around the table. It is one of my favorite gratitude practices.

Loads of research shows that if we want to be happy, and to raise happy kids, we need to practice gratitude–deliberately, and consistently.

Take Action: Create a gratitude practice or ritual for yourself or your family this Thanksgiving. (Learn more about my favorite gratitude practices here.)

Join the Discussion: What is your favorite way to express your gratitude? What Thanksgiving rituals does your family have? Comment below!