The sheer number of positive emotions we experience relative to negative ones affects how happy we are generally; for that reason, excitement about future events can be a great source of positive emotions. Studies show that positive anticipation can bring us as much or more pleasure than the actual event itself.

Take Action: Plan something fun for next week or even this spring, and then do something to build excitement. For example, if you are going to a sporting event or play with a friend, send your friend an “I’m so excited!” email, or let yourself read a review or article about the team or event.

Join the Discussion: What is your favorite way to build excitement about a future event? How do you savor the good things in your life? Share your ideas in the comments!

“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.” –Plato

Loads of research shows that music can uplift and restore the spirit — so much so, in fact, that I have a “go-to” playlist of music that makes me feel happy. At the top of my list? “I Can See Clearly Now” by Ray Charles, “Best Day of My Life” by American Authors, “Girl on Fire,” by Alicia Keys, “Life is Beautiful” by Keb Mo’, “Love Don’t Wait” by Michael Franti, “Happy” by Martin Sexton, and “Maybe I’m Amazed” by Paul McCartney.

Take Action: With so many online services offering free music (I like Pandora and Spotify) it is easy to make a go-to happiness playlist. Make yours today. What’s on it? Music preference is highly individual, but knowing what’s on other people’s lists can help us get started.

Join the Discussion: Help others by listing the songs that uplift your spirit and bring you joy in the comment box below. (In addition, please contribute to the discussion on Facebook here.)

Image courtesy of thegirlone

 

In a world that is “on” 24/7, few of us get much regular rest. We go go go — perhaps getting a lot of work done, or cramming loads of activity into the day — while ignoring our body’s natural rhythms and need for post-sprint recovery. The result is that many of us are more stressed out, anxious, and depressed than previous generations.

A terrific antidote — that we all have with us all the time — is simple meditation. Scores of studies have shown the benefits of meditation to be broad and profound: meditation lowers our stress and anxiety, helps us focus, and, ironically, makes us more productive. Meditation even makes us healthier! After meditating daily for eight weeks, research subjects were 76% less likely than a non-meditating control group to miss work, and if they did get a cold or a flu, it lasted only five days on average, whereas the control group illnesses lasted an average of eight.

Take Action: After you’ve been working hard for about ninety minutes, your body and brain will be ready for a meditation break. Sit in a comfortable position, spine straight and hands relaxed in your lap. Close your eyes, and turn your attention to your breath. (Breathe naturally, controlling your attention, not your breath.) When your mind wanders — and it will — gently bring your attention back to noticing your breath. Try to meditate for 10-20 minutes before you go back to the hustle and bustle of the day, to really give yourself a break.

(If you are new to meditation, you can also start with just a minute or so and build up to 20 minutes. Or, check out some of these free guided meditations here; there are many different ways to meditate. I particularly like loving-kindness meditations if you want to get fancy.)

For further instruction sign up for my Mindful Parenting online class. Learn the latest mindfulness research and put it into practice immediately. For more information or to register, click here.

I know, I know, you don’t have time to sleep. You’re very busy and important. Or you think you are the exception to the rule—that you are a part of the 2.5% of people that really does feel rested with less than the 8+ hours of sleep that doctors and sleep experts prescribe. Maybe you wish you could get more sleep, but you just can’t find a way to put sleep above your other priorities.

Ask yourself: What are your other priorities? Your health? Your happiness? Productivity and success at work? Raising happy and healthy children? Here’s the truth: You will not fulfill your potential in any of these realms unless you get the sleep your body, brain, and spirit need. A mountain of research supports this dramatic claim.

Take Action: Make a plan to get more sleep. If it feels totally impossible to you to just get to bed earlier, try increasing your sleep by 4 or 5 minutes a night until you’ve adjusted your schedule enough that you are getting eight hours of shut-eye. For example, it might feel totally impossible to get to bed before midnight. But surely you can hit the hay by 11:56. Do this every day for 2 weeks, and you’ll gain an hour (and all the increased productivity, creativity, and happiness that comes with it). Stick to it until you’re going to bed early enough to get 8 hours.

Join the Discussion:  Have you made an attempt to get more sleep?  Have you noticed the positive effects on your life? Inspire others by sharing your success in the comments.

 

Photo by Mike Bitzenhofer

A buddy recently stopped by for tea and was telling me in a sweet moment how much he loves his wife. This is someone who has written books about relationships, a guy who has actually figured out how to make a marriage great. He said something that really struck me.

“I text her three things every day:
“I love you.
“You are beautiful.
“And thank you.”

(A side confession: After I heard this, my go-to reaction was an envious wish that my guy would send me texts like this throughout the day, NOT that I could start texting him. So much easier to wish others would change than to take action ourselves.)

Anyhoo, here’s the happiness tip: We can increase our own feelings of being in love by expressing gratitude for our partners. Or even just by THINKING about what we are grateful for.

When my friend texts his wife, he is cultivating his own feelings of gratitude, as well as expressing them. Research suggests that when we cultivate feelings of gratitude towards our sweethearts, we feel more satisfied with our relationship, and our partners feel more connected to us and more satisfied with the relationship, too.

Expressing gratitude (rather than just fostering the feeling) to a romantic partner can also make us feel more satisfied with the relationship and increase our sense of responsibility for our partner’s well-being.

Take Action: Reflect on what you are grateful for in your honey right now. (And maybe even send a text!)

“What is the secret to happiness?”

Everyone I meet eventually asks me this question, usually sooner rather than later. (Most recently, Dr. Oz asked me. Check out the episode!)

The good news is that there are many secrets to happiness. But I think the most consistent finding from science of well-being is this: The best predictor of a person’s happiness is his or her relationships with other people.

For example, the Grant Study found that “the capacity to love and be loved was the single strength most clearly associated with subjective well-being at age eighty.”

Ask yourself this: “Is there someone in your life whom you would feel comfortable phoning at four in the morning to tell your troubles to?” If you don’t have such a person in your life, make it your top priority to cultivate a close friendship that you can depend on. Derek Isaacowitz, who conducted the research that asked this question, came to the following conclusion: “The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”

Take Action: Make a plan to nurture your friendships this week. Call an old friend, make a lunch date, take food to someone who could use a little support. Nothing could be more important for your happiness in the long run!

Join the Discussion: How do you nurture your connections? Inspire others by leaving a comment.

Double down for one more week and reap the benefits.

This week is an important one for people who made New Year’s resolutions (I hope that’s you)! If you can keep your resolution for the rest of January, you’ll be much more likely to end the year having kept it, too.

Here are two tips for hanging in there if you are starting to falter:

1.     Remember that there is a world of difference between lapse and relapse.  A lapse is a small slip in behavior, and nearly everyone has them. Most people slip here and there a lot in January. A relapse is a full fall: You give up, you go back to your pre-resolution behavior.

If you’ve had a few slips, ask yourself why. What can you learn from your mistakes? Were you on vacation? (That’s always hard.) Do you not have a specific enough plan for how to fulfill your resolution? What temptation or situation should you avoid in the future? Remember: Lapses are to be expected. They are a part of the process. Don’t freak out or give up if you have a bad day here or there.

2.     Beware the “what the hell effect.” It’s really important not to let a temporary lapse become something bigger than it is. Say you’ve sworn off sugar, but one morning you eat a pie for breakfast. You’re at risk for what researchers formally call the Abstinence Violation Effect (AVE), and jokingly call the “what the hell effect.” If you’ve already blown your diet today, why not go hog wild? What the hell–you can begin again tomorrow, right?

Wrong. The more damage you do during your binge, the more likely you are to slip again the next day, and the less confidence you’ll have in yourself that you can change. As soon as you notice a slip, try the following to avoid getting to that “what the hell” moment:

• Forgive yourself. Remind yourself that lapses are a part of the process, and that feeling guilty or bad about your behavior will not increase your future success. (In fact, self-criticism actually decreases future success.)
• Rededicate yourself to your resolution (now, in this instant, not tomorrow). Why do you want to make the changes that you do? How will you benefit? Do a little deep breathing and calm contemplation of your goals.
• Make a plan for the next time you will face a similar challenge. What will you do differently? How will you avoid the temptation in the future? What have you learned from your slip?

Take Action: Learn more about how to successfully make change this year. Read the full post from my blog here, or enroll in my FREE Cracking the Habit Code online class. Register by Friday to access the class for free for 21 days! Hurry, after Friday it will only be available to premium class participants.

Join the Discussion: What did you resolve this year? How is it going? Share your success story in the comments!

If I had to guess which personality trait best predicts a long, healthy life, I’d probably guess something that relates to joy or creativity or curiosity. So I was surprised to see that the characteristic that is most closely tied to longevity is conscientiousness (out of the “big five” personality traits that psychologists typically look at — openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism).

Conscientious people are more likely to recover from a serious illness (like a heart attack), and not just because they are better about taking their medications: Conscientious patients who are put on placebo medications live longer than their not-so-together counterparts on real meds.

When I really think about it, this isn’t such a surprising finding after all. There is a lot more to health and longevity than taking your pills—we also have to adhere to our doctor’s recommendations for diet and exercise and lifestyle.

Here’s the really good news: conscientiousness can be cultivated. When we create and hone our good habits, we become more conscientious in general.

If you know WHAT to do to become more conscientious, but are unsure of HOW to do it, check out my FREE online class: Cracking the Habit Code. For example, if you know that you should work on being more timely, but you aren’t sure how to get in the habit of being consistently on time, learn how to cultivate this habit. You may live longer because of it!

Take Action: Identify an area of your life where you could be more diligent, and commit to cultivating conscientiousness in that one particular arena. Do you need to floss more consistently? Keep your desk clear or the kitchen clean? Be better about maintaining friendships? Make a resolution now.

Join the Discussion: Have you recently become more conscientious in a particular area this year? Share in the comments!