As the kids get back into their school routines, I’m thinking about what really leads to success—as well as happiness. When we look at people who are at the top of their field, what do we know about how they got there?

Turns out, we know a lot. (I’ve pieced together a new theory of elite performance in this post, if you’re interested.) The key take-away is that elite performers practice a lot, in a really specific way. Accomplished people spend hours upon hours in strategic, deliberate practice. This isn’t just poking around on the piano because it is fun; it is consistently practicing to reach specific objectives—say, to be able to play a new piece that is just beyond their reach. In the beginning, masters may practice a new phrase or even a single measure again and again and again.

What does this have to do with happiness, you’re wondering? A lot, because deliberate practice, especially if you’re passionate about whatever it is you’re practicing, leads to mastery. And mastery is a cornerstone for selfworth, self-efficacy and satisfaction with life.

Take Action: Schedule a time every single day (preferably at the same time) to practice something you really want to get better at. Measure your progress, and get coaching if you find you aren’t improving–you may need a better practice strategy.

Join the Discussion:  What have you observed on your path to mastery? Have you noticed that practice had a lot to do with it? Share your experience in the comments.

Feature image by Bunches and Bits.

Faking happiness often makes us feel worse, but there are loads of ways to feel better after we feel bad. (Before you try this, though, please read last week’s post about how to accept and deal with the negative feelings that you ultimately want to move past. Skip part one at your own peril.)

Here are some of my favorite ways:

• Have a DANCE party.
• LAUGH — I have a special episode of Modern Family that reliably makes me guffaw.
• SLEEP negative feelings off.
• Take a WALK.
• PLAY with some FRIENDS.
• Practice GRATITUDE.
• Give out some HUGS.
• Find some INSPIRATION in a favorite poem, vista, text, etc.

I expand on all of these ideas in this post.

Join the Discussion: What’s your favorite way to shake off a bad day, event, or mood? Share in the comments.

Lucky people meet their perfect partners, achieve their lifelong ambitions, find fulfilling careers, and live happy and meaningful lives. Their success is not due to their working especially hard, being amazingly talented, or being exceptionally intelligent. Instead, they appear to have an uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time and enjoy more than their fair share of lucky breaks.”
–Dr. Richard Wiseman

Believe it or not, scientific research shows that luck can be cultivated. When we do the things that “lucky” people do, we become luckier (and happier) ourselves! Here’s a starter tip: Lucky people talk to strangers. They greet strangers in coffee shops, talk to people in lines, chat with fellow airline passengers.

Take Action: This week, cultivate luck by greeting the people around you with a smile and a little conversation starter. (“Beautiful day, eh?” will work.) The bonus is that when we model lucky behavior, our kids pick it up.

Join the discussion: How do you kickstart a conversation with strangers?  Share in the comments!

Do something kind today for someone who’s a regular part of your life.

There is a lot of scientific evidence that happiness and kindness are deeply intertwined (see “What You Get When You Give.”) For that reason, I don’t think we can be truly, lastingly happy if we are not also kind.

Take action: This week, take a moment to look beyond yourself and focus on what you have in common with others. Being kind doesn’t need to take extra time; it can be a simple shift in your mindset. See if you can go about your daily business with an air of kindness towards everyone in your path. As the Dalai Lama has famously said: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”

Join the discussion: Have you noticed your how your kindness to others impacts your own feelings of content? Share in the comments below.

When you have good news, share it, because the sharing will make you even happier. This is Savoring 101: Positive emotions are amplified when we share them with others.

Sharing something positive that happened to you today will also make those around you happier. Positive emotions like joy and excitement, like all emotions, are contagious. So don’t hold back—go ahead and broadcast your great news!

Take action:  Tell someone about something positive that happened this week. It will also make you more likely to remember the happy event.

Join the discussion: How do you feel when you share your good news?  Share in the comments below!

In today’s hyperbusy world, most people don’t take real breaks. “We are poisoned by the hypnotic belief,” writes Wayne Muller in his inspirational book Sabbath, “that good things come only through unceasing determination and tireless effort—and so we can never truly rest.”

It is a myth that we’ll only succeed “through unceasing determination and tireless effort,” of course. Olympic athletes must rest or they get hurt. Fruit trees forced to produce for more than one season lose their ability to bear fruit. And parents can slowly develop sleep debt so deep and burnout so profound that we are left too exhausted to function.

Take action: Today, lay down. Take a nap. Goof off a little. Stop to chat. All in the name of greater productivity—and happiness.

Join the discussion: (After you goof off!!) How do you feel after you take a little time for yourself?  Share in the comments below!

 

Make an effort to embrace your mistakes as opportunities to learn.

Mistakes are a sign that we are putting ourselves out there and challenging ourselves; often, they are an important part of learning something new. Successful people are good at picking themselves up when they falter. When we celebrate our mistakes (rather than ruminating about them, or concealing them), we avoid the fear of failure that can inhibit our growth and happiness.

Take action: This week, embrace as many mistakes as you can.  And don’t forget to celebrate your children’s mistakes—learning how to recover from an embarrassing moment or minor failure is an important life skill.

Join the discussion: What did you learn from that blunder? How will you do things differently next time? Share in the comments below.

Get excited about someone else’s good news.

One of my favorite things that happy couples do: They shout things like “WHOO-HOO!!!” when their partner shares good news. Enthusiastic spouses have longer lasting and happier relationships.

Take Action: The next time your partner shares positive news with you, respond enthusiastically! (No, you don’t actually have to whoop or cheer, but your response does need to be positive and active—silent support, even if it is loving, won’t get you the same results.)

Join the discussion: How do you celebrate your loved ones’ quick wins?  Share in the comments below.

Consciously practice an act of forgiveness.

It’s true: you’ll be happier if you practice forgiveness. Holding a grudge is not a happiness habit — resentment keeps negative emotions like anger and frustration front and center in our lives. When we forgive others, we do it to make ourselves feel better.

Take Action: Today, zero in on someone has been aggravating you lately and consciously try to practice forgiveness toward them. Take some deep breaths while you silently wish them well in your mind. Clear your heart so that it isn’t fertile ground for the negative emotions that come with holding a grudge. (For tips about how to forgive, and to teach forgiveness to your children, see this post or this one).

Join the Discussion: Did it work? Share in the comments below.